Inside-Out Hospitality

Boundaries are set for our protection. Imagine the roads had no boundaries where pedestrians could walk on, and cars could ride on? It will be total chaos. Even our bodies set limits for us…work all you want; at some point, your body will force you to rest. That’s because there are limits to everything (except the love of God, obviously). Hospitality is no exception to setting boundaries! While we may be all gingered up about having open hearts and homes, the Bible cautions us to use wisdom (Matthew 10:16).

“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd (wise) as snakes and harmless as doves. Mathew 10:16, NLT (emphasis and brackets mine).

Storytime, get your popcorn ready!

So, my husband and I were heading home from fellowship one evening. While waiting to get a ride home, I noticed a weird-looking guy walk by us and, after, turned and started staring very intently at us. I told my husband, and not long after, the guy came over and introduced himself. Apparently, he was an old schoolmate of my husband. They spoke for a while.

Honestly, I was uncomfortable with this guy and didn’t know why. After the discussion, my husband started talking passionately about his story (scammer, from the police cell, etc) and how he sees he needs the gospel and help. I remember saying, ‘Please, before your ministry mind wants to invite him over, something is unsettling about this guy. Please do not invite him over to our house. At least not yet. Meet him elsewhere and share the gospel but not our home.’ He laughed but agreed.

He was invited for fellowship one day and he attended. The next day, I was told he was at our neighbors’ waiting for us…and no, my husband did not invite him over. Apparently, he followed people he noticed were our neighbors in the fellowship. Super creepy! To cut the story short, he kept coming over, at odd hours, smelling alcohol and cigarettes. I was so uncomfortable; I would tell my husband to receive him outside each time. I will give refreshments, but only outside.

One night, we returned very late from a wedding and met him sleeping at the door. Now, I was truly vexed. That had to end! I didn’t feel safe, and my house was a house of girls; I was also concerned about their safety.  He wanted to sleep over. Instead, we gave him money to find somewhere to sleep over rather than let him in at such an hour and he was drunk. He was warned, but somehow, the following day, he came back again.

It became a David vs Goliath situation. I looked him in the eye (more like an upward stare because you know, I am a concentrated beauty) and told him to never come without first calling, to not show up at late hours, and not show up when my husband wasn’t around. Ahh, the way his bloodshot red eyes stared angrily at me…but I stood my ground and insisted he leave (firm on the outside but shaking inside…like what if he decided to bundle me and beat me…hehehehe). Let’s just say, ‘David’ won, and the guy never showed up again. It took a while, but peace was restored in my home. My husband continued helping him from afar. He eventually got a job (I hope!).

Sometimes, when I reflect on that experience, I wonder if I was not maybe driven by fear or if I would only be more hospitable. I felt I was even in a better position to help the guy with the alcohol and tobacco addiction that he clearly had. But even as a professional, it is essential to set boundaries. I could help him, but not in my personal space. In first aid, one is taught to protect oneself before trying to save others; if not…who will save who? But after digging deep into the Bible, I found peace in it. The Bible encourages us to be wise and prudent.

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. Proverbs 22:3

While there are many different boundaries to set in hospitality, I will focus today on physical safety tips. Not everyone might look like the guy in my story. Some may even be wolves in sheep’s clothing and difficult to unmask. So what can you do to protect your home?

Practical Tips to Safeguard your Home

1. Give your home to God to watch: …Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. (Psalms 127:1).
2. Grow in wisdom and discernment: If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, who will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (James 1:5)
3. Listen to the Holy Spirit: Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you, a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether right or left. (Isaiah 30:21). He will give you peace about it if it’s ok.
4. Set home rules and communicate effectively to your guests and household: e.g., visiting hours, zones of the house where they have access to and where they do not, language, or other acceptable attitudes at home (especially if you have children at home). Telling children to not open doors to strangers is also very important. Do not leave your children unsupervised with guests (again, it’s all about discernment here).
5. Use alternative settings: Try it in a restaurant, park, walk, etc.
6. Seek guidance/ask around: If you are unsure about someone, knowing more about the person before inviting the person over will help you make that decision.
7. Learn to say no: If you are not at peace about having someone over but the person wants to come over, learn to gracefully say no. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37.
8. Evaluate after every visit and learn from past experiences or stories of others, e.g., If you noticed you didn’t set ground rules with a guest and the guest misbehaved, you now know you must set ground rules.
9. Don’t hesitate if things turn out sour: Don’t be afraid to cut the visit short, ask the person to leave or take any legal actions in some extreme cases. In all run to God for refuge (Psalms 91).

So, all this looks a little contradictory to the hospitality gospel message this blog has been preaching. After all, hospitality means towards strangers, and people like Abraham and the Priest of Midian opened their homes. Remember, these people walked with God, and I am sure they used wisdom and discernment. The point is not for us to become overly protective or overly permissive. Still, it’s about finding the right balance between those 2 extremes.

Do you have any experiences where hospitality and boundaries collided? Maybe when a guest overstepped their boundaries. Please share with us in the comment section. Don’t forget to like and share.

Until next time, stay safe!